A month to go

One month until Christmas Eve.
One month to lose as much weight as physically possible.
I weighed myself this morning and it was hideous.

I want to lose at least a stone by Christmas Eve, starting it off with a fast day today. I'm working 12-7 then I'm hoping I can just sleep all evening; since me and my boyfriend broke up, my social life has just crashed and burned. It's pathetic how few friends I have left in this city. Ah well my friends who went off to university will be back in a few weeks, I bet they've all lost a load of weight, I need to try and get back down to an acceptable weight by the time they're back.
I can't just keep eating and thinking that it's okay for me to weigh this much, it's disgusting.
I'm disgusting.

I bought a Primark Christmas jumper yesterday, and it didn't fit, I bought a purposely large size and it still didn't fit over my deformed body.
I wanted to rip it up and cry and cry.
I don't know whether to take it back, or keep it as a constant reminder of how hideous I am, and how much weight I have to lose.

At least it's freezing now, so I can hide behind layers and layers of wool and try to pretend I'm not a monster draped in cloaks of fat...