Morning sweethearts,
I had the most successful fast I've done in months yesterday.
Under 100 cals, the only food that passed my lips was a small banana; I stuck to diet coke, water and black coffee the rest of the day. And of course the trusty ephedrine.
I lost 2.6 lbs overnight. 2.6 lbs.
I clearly have still got so so far to go, but as new beginnings go, I'm really fucking proud.
I was scared the number on the scale this morning would push me into a binge. Usually if I haven't lost enough I have a 'fuck it nothing works' moment and binge. But this morning the scale has made me feel so powerful.
I can do this.
I can fucking get my life back.
I'm meeting my ex later today. We broke up on Thursday because 'he still really likes me, but he likes his ex more, and it wouldn't be fair to be with me when he's still thinking about her'. That fucking bullshit that means nothing more than I'm just not good enough for him..
I'm not good enough for anyone.
But that can change, I remember 2/3 years ago, back when I was a successful starver, people used to actually like me. As up myself as this sounds, when I was skinny I was pretty. Random people I barely knew used to hit on me. They probably didn't want more than sex, but hey at least they wanted me in some way.
Now I'm just a fat nobody.
That's all going to change.
I had the most successful fast I've done in months yesterday.
Under 100 cals, the only food that passed my lips was a small banana; I stuck to diet coke, water and black coffee the rest of the day. And of course the trusty ephedrine.
I lost 2.6 lbs overnight. 2.6 lbs.
I clearly have still got so so far to go, but as new beginnings go, I'm really fucking proud.
I was scared the number on the scale this morning would push me into a binge. Usually if I haven't lost enough I have a 'fuck it nothing works' moment and binge. But this morning the scale has made me feel so powerful.
I can do this.
I can fucking get my life back.
I'm meeting my ex later today. We broke up on Thursday because 'he still really likes me, but he likes his ex more, and it wouldn't be fair to be with me when he's still thinking about her'. That fucking bullshit that means nothing more than I'm just not good enough for him..
I'm not good enough for anyone.
But that can change, I remember 2/3 years ago, back when I was a successful starver, people used to actually like me. As up myself as this sounds, when I was skinny I was pretty. Random people I barely knew used to hit on me. They probably didn't want more than sex, but hey at least they wanted me in some way.
Now I'm just a fat nobody.
That's all going to change.
Well done darling - I'm so so proud of you albeit feeling slightly disgusted at my own lack of restriction.. You are an inspiration though :) you
ReplyDeleteAre worth more than you know - but when we are skinny then they will see. Ah I didn't realise you were seeing him :/ wth does he want :/ stay strong babe we can do this xx
Hahah I'll see how 'staying friends' with him goes. I'm definitely done with being everyone's whore and letting people use me for sex though.. I made him wait two weeks before I slept with him initially, and I actually thought that was me having self respect hahah.
DeleteOnce we're skinny we can be worthy and find people who are worthy of us.
Love you xx
You're doing amazing and I am so happy to see you posting again. 💚
ReplyDelete